I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
