i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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