Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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