We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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