What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize
