Duck Duck Cougar?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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