Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
