I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
