I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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