they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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