Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
