no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
