I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize