i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
