let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
