my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
