so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
