dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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