we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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