dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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