i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
