My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't deserve a penis
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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