margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
A bitchslap is in order.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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