the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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