he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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