You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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