she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
