I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
