"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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