EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Send help, water and tortillas.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
