i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize