your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
In America we eat man semen.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
