I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
