Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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