she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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