just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
