hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize