i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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