there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
