bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
