she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
