Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
