God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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