y did u give ur computer a hand job?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
