well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
