He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
