Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
