ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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