Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
