Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
