babies were throwing up all over the place
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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