Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
