my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
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I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
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Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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