he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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