I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
