im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
