I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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