first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i out mim tonsoeep
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
