HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
whose parrot is this?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
