You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
