I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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