If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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