so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You were trust falling into bushes
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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